It’s been about two years now that conflicts with people I have just known or had been knowing for a long time have been part of my life, and they all resulted in a definite end of contact.
The latest was today, a conflict that had been hanging in the air for weeks, and for which I had been avoiding the contact with the person because I knew I would have had to send him to hell. And then the phone call came and it happened. He tried to get what he wanted, and I clearly said that I didn’t think he was asking for the adequate thing. So he said that I had lost a friend, but I can well give up on friends like this. He has never been one.
Exhausted, disturbed, a little disappointed about the way we humans are, I made myself a spicy Yogi tea, lit a candle and sat down to reflect about the things that have happened in the last two years. And suddenly I realized that all these people, in one way or the other, were liars, real ones or at least not clear in their affirmations. I realized that they all are manipulators and had always gotten me by the words loyalty and friendship. I realized that all of them, really all, had always wanted something from me: be with me to show they know me, or my (poor) money, or my time, or my loyalty to their lies, or in any other way what is the title above all this: my energy.
I have always had lots of friends and many people around. They were there, and it was normal for me. I often avoided conflicts because I didn’t want to hurt anybody, up to the point where people said: you’re a Martian, take out your sowrd. But I think it’s exactly when you’re a Martian (an Aries, that meant, ruled by Mars), a fighter, and you know how to fight, you avoid doing it because you know that once the fight is up, it’s you or the other one. And I didn’t want that. I never wanted that.
Now I look back and I suddenly realize how much energy, how much time, how much creative power I wasted with people who weren’t real friends, who weren’t it worth, who were manipulators and energy vampires. I don’t want to say they’re bad people (well, of some I would). I want to say that they’re not for me. That I shouldn’t have gotten involved with them, realizing that they never gave anything, that they involved me in stuff that wasn’t mine, in talks that annoyed me about other people whom I find uninteresting; that I should have stopped them from sucking my energy again and again and again, and be it only because they forced me to think about them. Thinking, dealing with, even avoiding, having discussions, needing to block a phone number – all this is energy taking, negative entanglement. If the person is the right one, there’s an exchange of energy, even when you argue. Otherwise you pay with your energy and get nothing back except pseudo-friendship and pseudo-admiration. We don’t need many people whose friendship consists in confirming everything we say to have an easy game when they want to manipulate us. We need those few, or the one, who stands by us in life and has his own sword to cover us when we need it.
And while these last two years still hurt, and the heavy fight today still hurts, I sit back, put my sword on the table in front of me ;), and am thankful for the experience that gave me an insight into how badly we deal with our energy and how all this entanglement actually works.
Image credit: Luis Royo